A recent conversation with one of our clients…

I’ve experienced sexual harassment in the workplace. What seemed to begin as friendly banter escalating into cruel commentary on my body, weight, skin, and grooming habits, wearing down my moral in the workplace until I finally left my stable job with health insurance because being there made me miserable.

What was I wearing? Painters pants. Over sized white t shirt. A braid, no makeup. Nothing compelling; my clothes always had paint stains on them. They were work clothes in every sense of the world.

Then, on weekends I started to go out on the boat with Swimfree Hawaii, and at first I’d just wear my swimsuit. I didn’t mind the other swimmers, both men and women, topless or completely naked, but it wasn’t for me. Because I didn’t want to open myself up to comments or looks; I just wanted to go snorkeling with my friends, who had chosen Swimfree Hawaii.

Then I started to realize that even though I was wearing much less than I was at work, nobody was commenting on my body or what I did for it, how I cared for it, or what I was wearing. Nobody was looking at me in a lecherous way, nobody made me feel weird or uncomfortable, or asked me any questions that I didn’t want to answer. In short, here I was, on the ocean, feeling totally safe and comfortable, in a bikini.

And then, I realized I was comfortable to take off my bikini top. And feel the weight that is always making my back and shoulders sore, the pressure of straps and bands, totally released, to let my body relax in the salt water and float weightless, free, and natural. To experience that unself-consciousness of children. To be free to play and relax and let go of the tension of wondering about other people’s intentions.

It’s been a real gift, to learn how to be myself and let go of shame and self blame. Every time I come out on the Swimfree Hawaii clothing optional boat charter, layers of self-consciousness, the self loathing, and the shame of living in a female body, dissolve in the sun and salt water.

I take this confidence into my life during the week. I found the courage to leave my job, and find somewhere that appreciated me. The self confidence to be able to have fun with my friends and family without alcohol, to make friends without cigarettes. These things are gifts from the universe that I wouldn’t have expected to get just by taking off my swimsuit and getting in the water.

Thank you, Captain Chuck, and thank you to all of the friends I’ve made on these clothing optional boat charters. It’s been truly priceless

Katana (10/28/18) www.paintinhawaii.com